Chapter 7 question #1

Sadly I have plenty situations where I have found listening difficult. Most of these situations are based from my workplace. At work, we often have meetings on Saturday mornings to go over our numbers, our individual performance, and overall performance as a group. However, it seems as if every meeting is the exact same and there is not a whole lot of new information being presented. During the week, the associates are constantly being reminded to perform at the highest level and we even sign a paper (at least twice a week) stating that we will improve at least 2 things by a certain time frame. In all honesty, it's incredibly redundant and almost no one takes it seriously. So when it comes time for our Saturday meetings, a lot of us just sit there enjoying our free coffee and donuts. The only time we really feel the need to listen is when we have the district manager present. I think the most difficult phase for me in this situation would have to be the first one which is “Sensing (hearing the message)”because during these meetings I have selective attention. I only choose to listen to things that I think I might have to answer out loud. I have trouble focusing on the meeting because just like everyone else at the meeting, I've heard it many times before. I think the only way this could have been overcome is by having my manager present the information in a different way. It seems as if every meeting is the exact same as the one before and it gets tiresome trying to act as if it is new and enlightening information. 

Chapter 7 question #2

An example where I had selective attention was last semester in a couple of my classes. I would go to class, sit and listen to the lectures. After about 20 minutes of lecturing I would zone out and start doodling or daydreaming. Throughout the semester I found it difficult trying to pay attention the entire class period and I would often not even want to go to class because I felt I would just end up sitting there. It got to a point where I would only go to class once a week, if that. I think the reason behind my selective attention was because I felt I already understood the material enough to be tested on it. In one specific class I felt a lot of the material was repetitive and not as important. As stated in the book, understanding can decrease other viewpoints, so in this sense I felt I did not need to hear anyone else's ideas on the subject. Although I had selective attention in class, I did manage to overcome it be engaging in the lecture. For instance, when the professor would lecture, I would ask questions or make comments. I found that by doing this, it not only made me focus on the material but made the time go by a lot quicker.

Chapter 7 question #3

A concept from the reading this week that I really enjoyed reading was the section on page 114 about “Listening as a critical leadership skill”. I was fascinated by this topic because it is something that I believe almost everyone can relate to. In my case, I found this relevant in my work life. I think a lot of times, people have trouble respecting others because of the fact that they believe they are not being heard. I know that throughout my career, I've had plenty of experiences where employees including myself, have not felt a lot of respect or security towards the supervisors and/or managers. One quote that I really stood out to me in the chapter stated, “seek first to understand, then to be understood”(page 114). This is something I believe everyone, not just leaders, should consider when working with others. I think it is incredibly annoying when people have ideas or opinions that they want to share with everyone, but when it comes down to listening to other people, they find a way to ignore it and continue talking about their own opinions. A lot of times it seems as if people just want to shove information down other people's throats without considering anyone else's perspectives. Just as the book mentions, one cannot succeed until they fully understand the other side. Another example that can be tied to the listening concept is when people cut others off while they're speaking. This is one of my pet peeves, yet almost every single person I speak to has done this to me in the past. If there's one thing I learned from being a communication major, it is to always let the person you're speaking to finish what they are saying. I believe that is people practice this habit, they will become much more effective listeners which will lead to great leaders. 

Chapter 6 question #1

I really enjoyed reading the section on the eight principles of nonverbal communication. I thought it was incredibly fascinating and I intend on sharing them with a few of my co-workers. One principle I liked was the very first one which states, “ our nonverbal communication affects the quality of our relationships”. Aside from the examples in the text, I did a little research and found an interesting website that has a lot of information about body language. For example, the website mentions that some signs of someone being interested in what you have to say will usually lean toward you, tilt their head slightly, keep eye contact, stay still, and ignore distractions such as cell phones, i-pods, etc. On the other hand, one sign of someone who is being deceptive is usually distracted during the conversation and will often times drift off or pause/hesitate to keep the conversation going.

Here is the website where I found this information: http://changingminds.org/techniques/body/body_language.htm

The fourth principle states that “nonverbal behaviors are guided by the context and power of relationships”. Another example that I can think of for the fourth principle is one I can use from my own personal experience. For instance, I am extremely close to many of my current co-workers and we often times hang out outside of work. When we hang out, we like to joke around a lot and make funny gestures. However, whenever we are at work or around our managers (team dinners, meetings, etc.) we do not tend to act the same as if we were just hanging out. Also, I am close to one of the supervisors at work and we also like to joke around. But we both know that when we are in the professional setting (especially in my field), there is no room to joke around as if we were just friends messing around at the bar. I think the main point in the fourth principle is to know the boundaries and when is is appropriate to behave certain ways.

Chapter 6 question #2

As mentioned in the text, proxemics is the study of how we use space to communicate. The textbook also states that our proximity to another is an important aspect of our communication. I found this interesting because I have had multiple experiences with issues of proxemics just as Professor Perez described in her experiences. For instance, in the past I had a co-worker who was very “touchy” with every co-worker. For instance, when she would give me a high five, she would hold on to my hand and lock her fingers between mine as if we were holding hands. She would also walk by me and touch my shoulder or play with my hair. When I first met her, I felt she was invading my personal space and I was a little concerned and thought maybe it was just me she would get really close to. Later I found out that she was like that with everyone. After getting to know her, I realized that it was just her way of communicating. After reading this chapter, I realized that maybe one reason she was so touchy was the fact that she was from another country. Although I cannot confirm this ( I would not want to generalize that everyone from that country is the same way) it may in fact be a reason why she would get extremely close to everyone.

Chronemics is the study of the use of time. Like stated in the text, here in the United States we have the mentality that “time is money”. We see this everywhere we go from walking down the street to crazy drivers on the road. It seems that many people in the United States are in a hurry to be somewhere or complete a task. On the other hand, places like Europe do not put so much emphasis on time. For instance, in Spain many of the people there participate in “siestas” which are short naps taken during the day. It is common for businesses to shut down for a few hours and open back up in time for dinner. Although I have never been to Spain, I have heard many stories from my brother and cousins who have traveled there on more than one occasion. For example, when my brother first went to Spain, he said he tried looking for some where to eat in the afternoon but everywhere he went was closed. At first he did not understand why they would completely shut down restaurants in the middle of the day. After learning the ways of the Europeans, he realized that time was not an important factor in every day life. In another example, I had a professor who studied abroad in Latin America. She told out class that the first day of class her professor at the time showed up to class 45 minutes late. When asked why he was late, the professor said that he was a bar with an old friend watching a soccer match. My professor said this was not uncommon in Latin America and that both students and professors were often “late” to class. I don't think there are any universal roles for all cultures because as I mentioned before, all cultures differ. Arriving promptly to class is expected of all students and teachers here in the United States, however in places like Costa Rica, arriving late is not an issue. The rules of proxemics and chronemics apply to the specific cultures and their way of life.

Chapter 6 question #3

One concept I that I found useful and relevant to my own life was the section on powerless stereotypes. Specifically, I enjoyed the section which mentioned the sex-role stereotypes. The book mentioned that these types of sex role stereotypes foster the expectations that men will act like leaders and women will act like subordinates. This is often portrayed in mainstream media which is why I believe it is still an issue in today's society. I liked reading about this concept because I have seen these types of stereotypes in my own life. For instance, in the past, I had supervisors both male and female. Working in the retail industry, most customers had the notion that the male supervisors were superior and knew a lot more than the women supervisors. However, this was often not the case. In fact, a lot of the time, my female supervisors did a better job at managing the entire team and getting effective results for our team. I had one case when an angry customer insisted on speaking with my manager and when I told him I would go get her, the customer refused and wanted to speak to the male manager because they thought he'd more power (this was not the case). It was interesting to read about the different stereotypes towards males and females but also sad to learn it is still an issue today.

Chapter 14 Question #2

The book does a great job of giving advice on how to provide observer feedback. In the text, the authors give 10 guidelines for obtaining individual feedback which can be either written or oral. The first guideline is to avoid generalizations such as phrases like “well done”. I touched on this in a previous post because it does not seem as genuine when someone says “good job team”. I think most people prefer to be individually recognized because they feel their efforts and ideas are actually appreciated instead of overlooked. Second, it states to focus on behaviors that can be changed perhaps instead of other non important factors that there is no control over. Third, is listed as do no debate or argue with the group. Here it is important not to try and enforce your own ideas and opinions on the group. Instead, try to mediate the situation and provide a neutral stance. The fourth guideline is to not micromanage the group process. Meaning, do not try to be the leader of the group and , instead, be an observer that will provide constructive criticism that can help the group improve in a few areas rather than a lot of different ones. The fifth guideline is to remember your role as the observer. This can be helpful because sometimes people may get caught up in the role and start telling the group members what is wrong without a good explanation. It is important to explain WHY the observer does not like something instead of just stating it. Next, the 6^th guideline is to accentuate the positive. This is an important guideline because starting off with the positive sends good vibes to the group and gives them a great sense of unity. Seventh is to end with specific suggestions for improvement rather than broad and general suggestions. Next is to be clear and concise. By being clear from the beginning, there is less chance of confusion and more chance of getting positive results from the group. Do not “beat around the bush” because that will just lead to unnecessary obstacles. The ninth guideline is my personal favorite which states, complement in public and criticize in private. This is important because no one likes to be told what is wrong with them in front of others. We are all self-conscious to some degree and it is best to provide criticism with a one-on-one approach. On the other hand, it is nice to feel like we are doing a good job and to let others know how well we are doing. This could also be a way to get others to mirror what you are doing to receive the same type of praise which will ultimately lead to a successful group. The last guideline is to develop positive relationships . One should always do this because being positive will always pay off and make people actually want to work with you again. As an observer, group members should not be intimidated by you but instead see you as someone willing to help instead of pointing out what is wrong.